


Anchor

by trainmaker



Series: dream smp canon compliant [3]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, Kisses, M/M, Marriage Proposal, ranboo's enderman tendencies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:42:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29684853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trainmaker/pseuds/trainmaker
Summary: ranboo realizes he's more enderman than he anticipated and decides the only way to handle it is to let everything else go. tubbo disagrees.aka how ranboo proposed to tubbo
Relationships: Ranboo/Toby Smith | Tubbo
Series: dream smp canon compliant [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2211534
Comments: 16
Kudos: 421





	Anchor

Endermen didn't stay in one place for long. They could barely manage to stand in a fixed spot. Ranboo knew he had that in him. It manifested in the meandering way he moved, the refusal to settle. He'd stop to talk and feel an unrelenting pull to keep going, to move out from under their gaze. It was a charged current that made his fingers shake and carried through to his bones. He'd come into existence in the Greater SMP some time ago and he'd never much thought of where he came from before. Perhaps it was some side-effect of travelling, losing his place before. 

There were anchors though, things that settled that tremble in his hand. Mining was good, a mindless activity that let him travel great distances and pluck up blocks like he wanted to. When it was dark and he was tired, trying to plead with that ender side of him to rest, to sleep, he found it in his cats. When he tucked himself into his bed, toes hanging off the edge, they piled onto him, curling up like little furry pillows. With a hand on one of them, feeling the steady rise and fall, he could sleep. His friends too, kept him in one place. The desire to carry on faded when he listened to Niki explain her next venture or Techno plan out a resource mission. The best was when Tubbo told him one of his stories. He had lived so much more than Ranboo had, comparatively. Or at least, he remembered more of it. He leeched off the nostalgia, warm despite Snowchester's cold. Sometimes he wondered if their friendship was one-sided in that way. What could he offer a boy who'd seen nations rise and fall at his word? But Tubbo would just smooth the worry-line from his brow and change the subject. Loyalty maybe, he thought. No end of times could change his mind about him.

Still, Ranboo knew he'd never have any past of his own. He'd never have roots here. What little foundation he'd formed was loose and crumbling. There was only so much you could look to the future before you realized how disappointing your present was. He was contained here, bound to the borders laid out by his new friends. Sides and countries and rules. It clawed at him in some primal way. Everything relied on a delicate give and take that he had no stake in.

He wasn't sure when he came to the conclusion that he was leaving. Maybe sometime after the nuke or the discs or the syndicate. Any of them could have been the proverbial straw. All he knew was that the soles of his feet burned, they longed for new ground. There was something beyond his corner of the SMP that he needed to find. There were empty pages in his memory book he needed to fill.

He wasn't a monster or- he was only half a monster, so he knew he had to say his good-byes. Tubbo would be first. There was no choice there. If he was going to let go of his anchors, it was best to first cut free the most painful. When he arrived, Tubbo was chopping wood in the shed. He admired the determined angle of his chin as he worked, the lazar focus he gave everything, everyone. He knocked on the open door, stepping into the warm lamplight.

"Ranboo!" His friend chirped, helping him to shrug off his travelling cloak. "You're all bundled. Like a sausage roll." Tubbo's arms circled his middle. Ranboo wanted to tell him to let go, to stop making it so hard, but he just drew an arm around his back, squeezing him closer. Oat and honey and campfire smoke.

"Hey," He hated how his voice broke on the first word, how easily his emotions betrayed his instinct. 

"Oh," Tubbo's voice was soft and he pulled back, fixing him with a familiar look. It was the one he received when he couldn't remember something, when his voice came out in unfamiliar ender or he begged Tubbo for another story to calm his mind. It wasn't pity. Understanding, concern, affection. He couldn't place it. "What's going on, big guy?" He kept one small hand in Ranboo's, fingers lacing absently.

"I'm leaving." Ranboo croaked. "I just have to go. I can't help it." 

"I wish I didn't know your lying face," Tubbo said quietly, dropping his hand. "What does that mean, is someone making you?" It was a testament to their life that Tubbo thought that first, that he assumed unwillingness, assumed a scheme beyond his means. 

"No." It would be easier that way, he thought. If he could blame anything but his nature. "I'm choosing to go, Tubbo."

"I don't understand."

"I don't belong here, not really, not like you do."

Tubbo was cross now, he could tell by the way his ears flattened against his head. He turned away with a huff, picking up a block of spruce. "That is such bullshit." He grunted, hoisting his axe above his head. "You've been here for months. You've got a house, pets, hobbies." The axe came down with a heavy clip, sending two even pieces of wood flying. Ranboo flinched as one struck his boot. "That's belonging."

"You don't understand. You _can't_ understand it." Ranboo kicked the wood away, tail flicking. "You've got history here. You've got a community, friends. Family."

"So do you!" Tubbo's brow was furrowed with frustration. He held the axe aloft, color rising in his cheeks. 

"No. I don't. I don't have that." Ranboo's throat felt thick.

"What am I then, just some stranger you pour your heart out to? Did you expect me to take this well?" Ranboo's heart bled a little at that. For all he felt about Tubbo, he couldn't put it into words. It extended past friend into something absurd and out of reach. His eyes burned with shame, his tears only reminding him why he had to go.

"I don't have a family." He ground out, wiping his wet eyes. "It's all conditional, you know? What happens when I'm more monster than person, what happens when I can't control this anymore?" His breath was desperate and uneven. The shed suddenly felt so much smaller and when Tubbo stepped closer, he dared not meet his eyes. The tremble in his hand persisted, and he thought maybe if he concentrated enough he could disappear. He could blink out of existence. Embracing the side of him he hated never appealed to him more.

Tubbo's hand found his, careful, gentler than he deserved. "How can I convince you to stay? How can I get you to understand?" Tubbo's voice was quiet. He almost preferred the anger to this. Ranboo's lip quivered, burning, salty tears streaking his cheek. "Nothing about this is conditional." Ranboo wanted to ask what 'this' was, but Tubbo leaned up on his tiptoes and kissed one of his cheeks and he supposed that was an answer. The trembling was more than just hands, he felt it in his heart.

"What about when I forget this?" His voice was wet and he cringed. 

"I'll remember," Tubbo said. They were toe-to-toe and when Ranboo finally met his eyes, they were bright. Confident. 

"I want you to remind me. Never stop reminding me." Ranboo wondered what moments were worth memorializing. When each one was fleeting, bound to be forgotten, he supposed the threshold was his own. This anchor, he had to hold on to it. "Let me," He stepped back, taking a shaky breath, fumbling for his notebook. "Let me write it down. Just-"

Tubbo made a noise of dismay and wrested the book from him. "You haven't even-" He cut himself off, chewing his lip. "You're meant to..." He hugged the memory book to his chest.

"What?" Ranboo came closer, cocking his head as he looked down at Tubbo. Tubbo set the book down behind him and returned his gaze. 

"Make it worth remembering first." He murmured. He'd never seen Tubbo shy away from what he wanted. Ranboo narrowed his eyes.

"What, like a ring? Should I give you a token or-"

"Kiss me," Tubbo said finally.

"Oh." He said, blushing furiously. Kissing Tubbo was familiar, like a memory. It tasted of wood-smoke and apple. He wanted more of it, but Tubbo pulled away. 

"For the record," He breathed. "I wouldn't mind a ring."

**Author's Note:**

> sorry that it wasn't my usual fluff, i just think the only way i could fit a proposal would be in very tense circumstances!!  
> i dont usually write canon compliant, but y'know.  
> comments help me write more :) dont be afraid to guest. kudos too!  
> if you want to see my works when they come out, you can sub on my profile


End file.
